Then, Now and Later

Looking back at the first paper I wrote for class; Mirror, Mirror, I see now how badly my punctuation was.  My grammar wasn't too bad.  My structure wasn't so good.  This course is mandatory for me to take per my entrance test scores.   I had said that my goals were going to do my best in the class and  maybe skip the next English class and move on to a college level English course.  At this current time, I don't think that is going to happen.  My other goal, a personal one, was to be on the Dean's List for once.  I don't think that is going to happen either.  I am doing the best I can, and so far in my other classes, I am doing very well.  Ok, this is a new goal, and it is being obtained.  My writing skills I feel have not improved, I am still everywhere/scatter brained.  I have to come up with a different strategy, because nothing is working for me so far.

I am  still struggling with my writing.  I suffer from test anxiety so, every writing assignment, it is like I am taking a test.  I get nervous, go blind per se', and remain scatter brained with my ideas.  It is extremely frustrating.  I  have taken the advise of Prof. Simon about putting what I have written away and coming back to it and then edit what I wrote.  That isn't working too well for me.  I see what needs to be changed, added, punctuated, but I am unable to see that my thoughts are everywhere or I totally miss the subject.  I did go to the tutoring center, but I was even more confused after the session.  My next step, going to Prof. Simon.  She has already told me that I was going to fail if I didn't change my writing...  I spend hours on my writing assignments, I try to do my best, and I am still fraking it up.  Am I anywhere near my goals I listed on day one?  Frak no!  Am I going to give up? Double Frak No!  I am pissed off, and ready for a fight, so look out.

I originally was going to put my first essay into my portfolio, but I have decided against it.  My original thought was, those who were going to do the readings would see where I was and then where I am now with my writing.  The reason why I decided against it is, the first essay has been totally revised, and no longer reflects a true first writing.  I am not sure what I am going to put into my portfolio yet.  I will make that decision soon, so that I don't get strapped down later trying to make a decision

I am going to try other writing strategies.  I have ideas that may or may not work, but I won't know until I try them.  After all, I have rewrites to do.  Something is bound to work allowing me to win this battle of writing.  I will keep going to the writing center, and visiting Prof. Simon, so look out everyone, here I come.